Price to Pay for Your Thoughts
How did i get here? What did I do?
It’s dark again. Who switch off the lights? Hate the fact that it is me. Why? Maybe I’m blind to all those colors. Or is it them who erased it away? Maybe, its just me, who can’t face the truth. Things aren’t getting better when the dark turns in. Even if I whisper slowly, “Stay with me please, tonight”, I know I said that just to make everything alright, when I feel it, and myself told me that it shouldn’t be worst. How can I tell myself what it’s like to be alone?
As I try so hard to close my eyes, my heart agonizingly in pain, beating. Wish I could just stab it, end the misery I’ve put it into. Everyday, I keep on sinking when I reaching out to touch you, but I can hardly feel it all. I’m just lost. I’m just lost, whenever I get this feeling, where I’m the only one who pay the cost, and yes, I’m the only left to be blamed.
When the times come, I will scream to them, “Save yourself honey, if there’s nothing else.” “Yeah, get some sleep. That’s the best medicine. I will stretch myself here, counting the sheep in my head. Wishing for some sleep.” I guess when I finally figure out the root of the wound, I’m not myself anymore.
What is more clear to me now? Those knife. Those words that is like a knife. “It’s got nothing to do with you.” For regular people, or friends, I would say, yeah, whatever, so true. But, this, killing me softly. It’s as clear as the water, the glass. I can see through this. It’s not working the way that it should. The gap is filling my bedside. The pain is covering my brain. I try to stay righteous, try to stay calm, not gonna be sad, stay out of the sober, but I can’t win. Cause, now I know.. Now I know..
Lie..
